Week 15 picks

Ok, I know, I know - I slacked on half the picks from last week, but I blame my job forcing me to write about shit that isn't nearly as exciting as football. (Yes, I am actually a professional journalist. Imagine that?! A blogger who doubles as a real journalist. That's like Spider-Man's real identity being Batman. It's just that cool.)

Some intriguing matchups are on the board this week, and I'm still on a gigantic natural high after watching my Seahawks pound the living shit out of the Cardinals to seal up their fourth consecutive NFC West title. And before you start scoffing at the credibility of the NFC West, might I refer you to the projections made before the season began that the 49ers would somehow rocket their way into winning the division while the Seahawks cracked under the pressure of a tough schedule.

Oh ye of little faith....


Week 15 Picks - favorite in bold



Cincinnati vs. San Francisco

For all his strange touchdown celebrations involving a TV camera, a football, a top hat and sadly no baby from the stands as I conjectured last week, Chad Johnson is a great example of a great player on a talented team that can't seem to make big plays when it matters. Frank Caliendo's sign last week said it best: "HEY, JACKASS, YOUR TEAM IS STILL 5-8!"
Still, a visit to San Francisco this year in the NFL is all but a guaranteed win, except if your team happens to be the Miami Dolphins. I think the Sunny Oaks Senior Citizens' team in Boca Raton stands a chance against them right now.


Tennessee vs. Kansas City

When you have a human garbage disposal like Albert Haynesworth on your defensive line, any opposing team's running back isn't going to sleep very well the night before the game. I mean, look at Kolby Smith - he's a banged-up rookie on a struggling team who had a couple promising moments, but I'm sure Haynesworth will be staring him down before every snap and picturing how good he'd look as a side dish to a Brodie Croyle or Damon Huard entree. Yikes.


Atlanta vs. Tampa Bay

The Falcons now get the award for "Most Demoralized Team in NFL history." Seriously, how can they even bring themselves to playing football right now? Their one-man highlight reel of a QB is currently taking showers with huge men that aren't football players, their coach just packed up and took off in the middle of the night as if he were a drunk who suddenly woke up surrounded by fat chicks, they're on their 45th starting quarterback for the year, and their top-tier running back is Jerious Norwood. Next.


San Diego vs. Detroit

This is my "Mike, what the hell are you thinking?!" pick of the week. I know the Chargers are probably going to dominate the Lions (or, as my buddy Timmay in Detroit likes to call them, the "Loins,") but Phillip Rivers is playing like he's never seen a football before and has been seen on national television telling his own fans in his own stadium to "SHUT UP." Besides, it's only a matter of time until Norv Turner cracks like an egg and LT calls another players-only meeting that turns into a group intervention. Kitna, listen up: Pray to your favorite divine entity extra-hard Saturday night, because you don't want to be 6-8.


New England vs. NY Jets

Everyone's going to be watching this one just for the sheer amusement factor of the post-game handshake (if it's even going to be that) between Bill Bellichick and Eric Mangini. It's the exact same reason why people watch reality TV. It's like a car wreck you just can't look away from. ADMIT IT!
I think Bellichick should just leave a camera and a note in the Jets' locker room before the game that says, "Feel free to use at your own discretion."


Part II to come....